watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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