The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
