It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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