It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
