My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
