Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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