Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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