i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
