2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
