I'm passing your future prison.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize