Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
