what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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