Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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