I accidentally had phone sex last night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
