You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your dick twin last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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