Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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