I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
