I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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