Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
