ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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