Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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