Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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