Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
