I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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