I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
