We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize