Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
