i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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