Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
