just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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