I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
