Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize