I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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