I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
