Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
