ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
