He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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