I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
