if i can run in heels then i can drive
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
