you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Come see our sink grown plant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
