There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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