please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
