You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
false alarm. still invincible.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
