JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
