IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
