I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
