i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
