My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
