she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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