I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
