Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
