wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
