OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
