If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
