I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
