So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
