Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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