I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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