my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's shark week go big or go home
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
