you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
