I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
