Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
