Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
