Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
