Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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