my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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