I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
